Category: Reviews of Movies
The Bubble: Directed by Judd Apatow. With Harry Trevaldwyn, Samson Kayo, Peter Serafinowicz, Danielle Vitalis. A group of actors and actresses stuck inside a pandemic bubble at a hotel attempts to complete a film. You’d think the movie would be an overweight horror of celebrity encounters with this many A-Listers in a single film, something like the Expendables franchise or even Hollywood Squares, but instead what we get is a complete rip on the concept of celebrity and how these guys are really just like us in nearly no way at all. It’s a fun movie that I highly suggest...
Creature: Directed by William Malone. With Stan Ivar, Wendy Schaal, Lyman Ward, Robert Jaffe. After a member of a geological research team who was sent to Saturn’s largest moon: Titan crashes their spacecraft into a space station, another team is sent to Titan to investigate, not knowing the terror that awaits them. A rather pedestrian film with bad framing, a mediocre sound track, poorly done special effects, and “one take” feeling acting. That is, right up until the characters in the film directly reference 1951’s “The Thing From Another World”, which John Carpenter made an extremely well received sequel to...
The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes: Directed by Robert Butler. With Kurt Russell, Cesar Romero, Joe Flynn, William Schallert. At Medfield College, an accident with a donated computer gives Dexter Riley the ability to remember any knowledge learned instantly and perfectly. Featuring an extremely young still charismatic Kurt Russell, this is an early version of the same concept of the “Chuck” television series, only this one from 1969 makes slightly more sense, as it’s not the data itself that gets transferred to the main character, but the ability to store, then process information itself. Ok, so in reality when you grab...
Wyvern: Directed by Steven R. Monroe. With Nick Chinlund, Erin Karpluk, Barry Corbin, Elaine Miles. They Find a Live Wyvern in small town Alaska. Set in Alaska, or at least an abandoned movie lot with plenty of Alaskan vacation footage, the film is both a low budget dragon fight and an entertainingly competent made for TV Wyvern experience. I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the CGI, though the budget shines through when you notice that the CGI Wyvern doesn’t actually physically interact with anything and nearly all of it’s close up set pieces are static shots without much...
Death on the Nile: Directed by Kenneth Branagh. With Michael Rouse, Alaa Safi, Orlando Seale, Charlie Anson. While on vacation on the Nile, Hercule Poirot must investigate the murder of a young heiress. The trailer had me interested, back when I first saw in in the before times, and the cast sealed the deal when I saw exactly who was in it and the types of characters they were playing. I wasn’t familiar with the story before watching it, and while the basic blocks of a murder mystery are there, the pieces are all used in ways that seemed novel...
X-Ray: Directed by Boaz Davidson. With Barbi Benton, Charles Lucia, Jon Van Ness, John Warner Williams. While receiving a routine check-up, a woman finds herself stranded on the hospital’s eighth floor, while someone dressed as a doctor is intent on her never leaving, even if it means killing any staff member who comes into contact with her. A story about a woman with absolutely no agency at all in her life, she’s getting a checkup because her work is making her, she goes to floor 8 because she’s told to, she’s admitted against her will, not told what exactly she’s...
Transformers: Age of Extinction: Directed by Michael Bay. With Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Kelsey Grammer, Nicola Peltz. When humanity allies with a bounty hunter in pursuit of Optimus Prime, the Autobots turn to a mechanic and his family for help. The fourth of the films, this one is likely the longest, if only because they filmed an entire film’s worth of material in Hong Kong. It’s actually somewhat more enjoyable than the previous film, nearly completely toning down cheeseball dialogue and plot elements, but there were a few times that I distinctly felt like the CGI wasn’t up to snuff,...
Solo: A Star Wars Story: Directed by Ron Howard. With Alden Ehrenreich, Joonas Suotamo, Woody Harrelson, Emilia Clarke. Board the Millennium Falcon and journey to a galaxy far, far away in an epic action-adventure that will set the course of one of the Star Wars saga’s most unlikely heroes. Watched this after the other two star wars films I watched this week, it’s still a good film that doesn’t exactly stick the landing, but it definitely doesn’t miss the mark by very much. Buy On Amazon!
Celeste & Jesse Forever: Directed by Lee Toland Krieger. With Rashida Jones, Andy Samberg, Ari Graynor, Eric Christian Olsen. A divorcing couple tries to maintain their friendship while they both pursue other people. Gut wrenching and emotional and hilarious and about as real as you can get with the subject matter. Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg are both hilarious people, and they’re both hilarious in this film, but it’s the kind of funny that’s more realistic and sad at the end of the day, instead of the campy goofy humor that they’re known for. Well, Andy at least, Rashida has...
Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back: Directed by Irvin Kershner. With Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams. After the Rebels are brutally overpowered by the Empire on the ice planet Hoth, Luke Skywalker begins Jedi training with Yoda, while his friends are pursued across the galaxy by Darth Vader and bounty hunter Boba Fett. Had some horrible news today, so I’m drinkin beers and watching movies that make me feel better. It helps that I’m able to quote like 99% of the lines in Empire. Buy On Amazon!
Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi: Directed by Richard Marquand. With Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams. After a daring mission to rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt, the Rebels dispatch to Endor to destroy the second Death Star. Meanwhile, Luke struggles to help Darth Vader back from the dark side without falling into the Emperor’s trap. I had some horrible news tonight, so here’s the second movie that I watched to try to make it more better. It sorta helped. Buy On Amazon!
After School: Directed by William Olsen. With Sam Bottoms, Renée Coleman, Edward Binns, Dick Cavett. A student-teacher relationship goes way beyond the classroom, including pre-historic times. I got suckered in by that absolutely amazing poster by Drew Struzan. The movie itself is a fairly straightforward and well done story of man’s belief in a higher power, the structures of religion, and how life doesn’t go the way you planned it to. Combined with this story, there’s a story going on about love in pre-historic times with bountiful nudity, lots of grunting, and an alarming amount of grape eating. The combination...
Moonfall: Directed by Roland Emmerich. With Halle Berry, Patrick Wilson, John Bradley, Charlie Plummer. A mysterious force knocks the moon from its orbit around Earth and sends it hurtling on a collision course with life as we know it. It’s a disaster film form Roland Emmerich, who’s been pretty damn consistant in his previous post apocalyptic work with “ID4”, “2012”, and ‘The Day After Tomorrow” all having the same type of feel to them that “Moonfall” has. Sure there’s some really bad green screen work, but the concept is solid as a “terrible science fiction” b-movie concept that we all...
Batman: The Long Halloween, Part One: Directed by Chris Palmer. With Jensen Ackles, Josh Duhamel, Naya Rivera, Troy Baker. Batman investigates a murder spree that takes place on holidays. The first of two movies adapting the 13 volume comic book series by Tim Sale and Jeph Loeb, originally written in 1996/1997, and I still have both the single issues and a omnibus of the story sitting on a shelf in my office. It was one of the better Batman stories at the time, which is saying something, as this was near the height of the Batman comic universe at the...
The Hunt for Bin Laden: Directed by Leslie Woodhead. With Allen Farmer, Richard Clarke, J. Cofer Black, Pat D’Amuro. Witness the 20-year, billion-dollar hunt for the Al-Qaeda leader, as told by the main players who finally brought him down. Released in 2012 just a few years after the arrest, death, and dumping of Bin Laden’s body into a deep dark grave in the middle of the ocean, this is a good summary of the lead up to the American incursion into a foreign country without their knowledge or permission. It didn’t go as well as we had hoped, one of...
The Adam Project: Directed by Shawn Levy. With Ryan Reynolds, Walker Scobell, Mark Ruffalo, Jennifer Garner. After accidentally crash-landing in 2022, time-traveling fighter pilot Adam Reed teams up with his 12-year-old self for a mission to save the future. “Straight to Netflix” can mean many things, usually a movie that would have just barely made it’s budget back in theaters, but this “Adam Project” film turned out to be better than I was expecting, with the interactions between Walker Scobell and Ryan Reynolds being surprisingly earnest and seemingly legitimately emotional. It helps that there’s some eye popping spaceship scenes with...
Old Dogs: Directed by Walt Becker. With John Travolta, Robin Williams, Kelly Preston, Conner Rayburn. Two friends and business partners find their lives turned upside down when strange circumstances lead them to be the temporary guardians of seven year-old twins. Made in 2009, it’s a free spirited movie made right after Travolta’s kid died, and released right after Bernie Mac died from sarcoidosis complications; they both get appropriate dedications in the final credits. An interesting point of fact: they had to shave Robin’s chest for a few scenes of this movie, and considering I know how hairy that guy is,...
The Villain: Directed by Hal Needham. With Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margret, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Paul Lynde. Facing hanging, a bank robber makes a deal with the corrupt banker to avoid execution in exchange for a dirty assignment. It’s a stupid story with increasingly ridiculous and contrived plot points, but if you knew that it was a parody / love letter to the WB cartoons from the 1930 like I did, I bet you’d enjoy it much more than if you didn’t. The obvious name here to look for is Arnold’s, it’s only his 7th role and he’s obviously still getting his acting...
Wish Dragon: Directed by Chris Appelhans. With Will Yun Lee, Jimmy O. Yang, Constance Wu, Natasha Liu Bordizzo. Determined teen Din is longing to reconnect with his childhood best friend when he meets a wish-granting dragon who shows him the magic of possibilities. A heartfelt mix of Disney’s Aladdin and Disney’s animated version of Mulan, the entire cast of this movie appears to be either Chinese or Chinese American, which is fine, but I was surprised that a movie that was so clearly marketed to that audience would go to the lengths that it went to in showing the utter...
Rumble: Directed by Hamish Grieve. With Geraldine Viswanathan, Will Arnett, Stephen A. Smith, Terry Crews. In a world where monster wrestling is a global sport and monsters are superstar athletes, teenage Winnie seeks to follow in her father’s footsteps by coaching a loveable underdog monster into a champion. Amazing animation, somewhat uninspired music, and a story that’s equal parts Pacific Rim, Real Steel, Blues Brothers, and is completely predictable, but it’s still a fun ride. There’s a few voices that you’ll obviously recognize, but Viswanathan sounds exactly like Tawnie Newsom from Lower Decks, to the point that it’s distracting and...
Turning Red: Directed by Domee Shi. With Rosalie Chiang, Sandra Oh, Ava Morse, Hyein Park. A 13-year-old girl named Meilin turns into a giant red panda whenever she gets too excited. It’s Pixar, so do you need me to tell you that it’s an enjoyable emotional roller-coaster that made me cry a few times? Nah, but I’ll tell you that anyways. The animated is top notch and they’re definitely marketing to a very clear and specific audience, but I’m happy to enjoy it even though I’m not remotely in that cohort. It’s out on Disney+ right now. Buy On Amazon!
Cryptozoo: Directed by Dash Shaw. With Lake Bell, Michael Cera, Alex Karpovsky, Zoe Kazan. Cryptozookeepers try to capture a Baku, a dream-eating hybrid creature of legend, and start wondering if they should display these beasts or keep them hidden and unknown. This is a weird one to review: it’d be super easy to pick apart the animation style and the sheer weirdness of the idea of having a zoo full of cryptoid taken from various parts of the world, which on the face of it seems like something we’d see on a made for TV late night special starring actors...
The King of Staten Island: Directed by Judd Apatow. With Pete Davidson, Bel Powley, Ricky Velez, Lou Wilson. Scott has been a case of arrested development since his firefighter dad died. He spends his days smoking weed and dreaming of being a tattoo artist until events force him to grapple with his grief and take his first steps forward in life. There’s a line in this film that really stuck with me: “I’m only 25 and tryin to figure myself out.” I remember being 25 and thinking that, assuming that it would eventually ‘just happen’. Then 30, then 35, then...
Yesterday: Directed by Danny Boyle. With Himesh Patel, Lily James, Sophia Di Martino, Ellise Chappell. A struggling musician realizes he’s the only person on Earth who can remember The Beatles after waking up in an alternate timeline where they never existed. The basic premise is pretty well laid out in the synopsis, but what they don’t mention is that The Beetles aren’t the only missing things from the world that the musician finds himself in. There’s a significant amount of drama involved in his absolute paranoia that this is all an elaborate joke that his friends are playing with him,...
The Birdcage: Directed by Mike Nichols. With Robin Williams, Gene Hackman, Nathan Lane, Dianne Wiest. A gay cabaret owner and his drag queen companion agree to put up a false straight front so that their son can introduce them to his fiancée’s right-wing moralistic parents. One of Robin Williams absolutely best dramatic comedy roles, but Robin isn’t even the best part of this film. The interaction between Nathan Lane and Gene Hackman is absolutely delicious, and right when you think it’s about to get stale, boom, the impossible happens and the movie moves into it’s finale. Has there been a...
Mother/Android: Directed by Mattson Tomlin. With Chloë Grace Moretz, Algee Smith, Raúl Castillo, Linnea Gardner. In a post-apocalyptic world rocked by a violent android uprising, a young pregnant woman and her boyfriend desperately search for safety. It’s sad, it’s depressing, and it’s post-apocalyptic, so not a great outlook for anyone in the film. It’s a great movie though, just not exactly what I was looking for at this point in time. Buy On Amazon!
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Directed by Michael Bay. With Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson. Sam Witwicky leaves the Autobots behind for a normal life. But when his mind is filled with cryptic symbols, the Decepticons target him and he is dragged back into the Transformers’ war. Buy On Amazon!
Transformers: Dark of the Moon: Directed by Michael Bay. With Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro. The Autobots learn of a Cybertronian spacecraft hidden on the moon, and race against the Decepticons to reach it and to learn its secrets. Buy On Amazon!
Transformers: Directed by Michael Bay. With Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson. An ancient struggle between two Cybertronian races, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, comes to Earth, with a clue to the ultimate power held by a teenager. I still wish this was a better film, transformers fans really do deserve better than what we got. Sure it’s passable film, and sure it updates some of the things that didn’t age well from the cartoons, but dammit we deserved a VW bug as Bumblebee and not whatever GM nonsense we ended up with. Buy On Amazon!
Kingsman: The Secret Service: Directed by Matthew Vaughn. With Adrian Quinton, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Jonno Davies. A spy organisation recruits a promising street kid into the agency’s training program, while a global threat emerges from a twisted tech genius. I had to re-watch this after having such a positive reaction to the third film, I remembered how much less serious this first film was, but still being a fantastic movie. While yes, it’s goofy with the lispy villain and predictable story, it was still well done. Buy On Amazon!
The King’s Man: Directed by Matthew Vaughn. With Djimon Hounsou, Ralph Fiennes, Shaun McKee, Peter York. In the early years of the 20th century, the Kingsman agency is formed to stand against a cabal plotting a war to wipe out millions. I watched this with a bit of a jaded eye, all I could remember was my impressions of the previous film, The Golden Circle, and remembering how poorly it was received, but I’m happy to report that this is the best of the three movies so far. I’m not certain it was received by main line professional critics the...
The 355: Directed by Simon Kinberg. With Jason Flemyng, Pablo Scola, Marcello Cruz, Eddie Arnold. When a top-secret weapon falls into mercenary hands, a wild card CIA agent joins forces with three international agents on a lethal mission to retrieve it, while staying a step ahead of a mysterious woman who’s tracking their every move. While all the pieces of this film are just fine, the entire sum of their parts are just adequate, feeling much more familiar than it should have, and should have likely been a direct to tv movie instead of a wide release. I actually watched...
Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope: Directed by George Lucas. With Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Peter Cushing. Luke Skywalker joins forces with a Jedi Knight, a cocky pilot, a Wookiee and two droids to save the galaxy from the Empire’s world-destroying battle station, while also attempting to rescue Princess Leia from the mysterious Darth Vader. I had this on my list of things that I watched while I was blitzed out of my mind on cold medicine during my covid infection. Watched it in 4k on D+ and I have limited memories of actually watching it...
Knight Rider 2000: Directed by Alan J. Levi. With David Hasselhoff, Edward Mulhare, Susan Norman, Carmen Argenziano. In the future, guns are banned and criminals are frozen for the duration of their sentences. A recent spate of killings involving handguns brings Michael Knight back to fight for justice, but he insists on the help of KITT, his artificially-intelligent car from decades ago. The only problem is that KITT has been deactivated. Release 3 years before William Shatner’s “TekWar”, this tv movie shares many of the same concepts with freezer prisons, cops that don’t use real guns anymore and a future...
The Harder They Fall: Directed by Jeymes Samuel. With Chase Dillon, DeWanda Wise, Julio Cesar Cedillo, Jonathan Majors. When an outlaw discovers his enemy is being released from prison, he reunites his gang to seek revenge. I gave up half way through the movie, I see what they’re going for, but boy howdy this is not for me. Buy On Amazon!
Toys: Directed by Barry Levinson. With Robin Williams, Michael Gambon, Joan Cusack, Robin Wright. When Lieutenant General Leland Zevo (Sir Michael Gambon) inherits a toymaking company and begins making war toys, his employees band together to stop him before he ruins the name of Zevo Toys forever. A mediocre film from some pretty great actors, included LL Cool J, who I think has more screen time than anyone else in the film. My displeasure with the film isn’t so much with the intent or even the acting, but there’s something about the sum of the parts that fails to really...
Flubber: Directed by Les Mayfield. With Robin Williams, Marcia Gay Harden, Christopher McDonald, Ted Levine. An absent-minded professor discovers “flubber,” a rubber-like super-bouncy substance. The first 15 minutes of the movie is spent setting up the idea that this professor is eccentric. He’s so goofy! He’s out of his mind with how smart but forgetful he is! There’s only a few actors that could have pulled this off without it going completely goofball stupid, and luckily we have Robin Williams to fill the role, so it’s only goofball silly. This movie is, of course, a remake of 1961’s “Absent Minded...
Shortbus: Directed by John Cameron Mitchell. With Paul Dawson, Lindsay Beamish, Adam Hardman, Sook-Yin Lee. A group of New Yorkers caught up in their romantic-sexual milieu converge at an underground salon infamous for its blend of art, music, politics, and carnality. There’s a familiar saying that “you’ll know porn when you see it”, and while I feel this movie falls well within what normal viewers would consider pornography, the film itself doesn’t feel pornographic to me. Sure there’s P-in-V sex depicted, there’s P-in-M (of both flavors!), there’s plenty’s of topless people, and even an ongoing never stopping orgy happening in...
Bewitched: Directed by Nora Ephron. With Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell, Shirley MacLaine, Michael Caine. Thinking he can overshadow an unknown actress in the part, an egocentric actor unknowingly gets a witch cast in an upcoming television remake of the classic sitcom Bewitched (1964). A movie about a universe in which “Bewitched” is being remade, and actual witch gets roped into starring as the lead role in the remake of the classic television show. It’s meta within meta! I was sent a MoviesAnywhere code of this for free from the studio with a note apologizing about something that went wrong that...
Aziz Ansari: Nightclub Comedian: Directed by Aziz Ansari. With Aziz Ansari, Phil Hanley. Comedian Aziz Ansari’s fourth comedy special. Turns out that Aziz is still funny, even in a last minute performance at the Comedy Cellar. Buy On Amazon!
Eternals: Directed by Chloé Zhao. With Gemma Chan, Richard Madden, Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek. The saga of the Eternals, a race of immortal beings who lived on Earth and shaped its history and civilizations. I’m standing by my previous review of the film, it’s a mediocre MCU film, but an ok movie by itself. It would have served itself better by trimming about 45 minutes from the total run time, but alas, we got what we got. Buy On Amazon!
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: Directed by Nicholas Meyer. With William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan. With the assistance of the Enterprise crew, Admiral Kirk must stop an old nemesis, Khan Noonien Singh, from using the life-generating Genesis Device as the ultimate weapon. Previously owned this digitally, but now own it on disk! It was part of a set of the first 4 movies that I got for christmas, and it’s still a movie that I feel comfortable going back to time and time again. The soundtrack, the plot, the acting, it hits everything I need...
Hi, Nellie: Directed by Mervyn LeRoy. With Paul Muni, Glenda Farrell, Ned Sparks, Robert Barrat. The managing editor for a newspaper, in hot water with his boss, is demoted to writing the “Nellie Nelson” heart throb column, where he gets the unexpected opportunity to crack a major story. Another Glenda Farrell movie, this one is volume 8 of the Forbidden Hollywood series, one of four or five movies included in the collection. They’re all supposed to be movies that were released before the Hays code and were “forbidden” to be shown, but in reality most of the films in this...
Lucy in the Sky: Directed by Noah Hawley. With Natalie Portman, Jon Hamm, Zazie Beetz, Dan Stevens. Astronaut Lucy Cola returns to Earth after a transcendent experience during a mission to space, and begins to lose touch with reality in a world that now seems too small. Loosely based on the story of Lisa Nowak, astronaut who had an unfortunate break from reality after she returned from space and ended up being arrested at an Orlando airport. woman in space needs just a couple more minutes, then returns to earth, picks up her neice from school, has dinner with her...
Predestination: Directed by Michael Spierig, Peter Spierig. With Ethan Hawke, Sarah Snook, Christopher Kirby, Christopher Sommers. For his final assignment, a top temporal agent must pursue the one criminal that has eluded him throughout time. The chase turns into a unique, surprising and mind-bending exploration of love, fate, identity and time travel taboos. Time cop has his face melted off, so he’s given a new face and a new voice, then put back on the time cop job, where he’s now a bartender who’s checking his scifi watch when a mysterious stranger walks in. The mysterious stranger turns out to...
*batteries not included: Directed by Matthew Robbins. With Hume Cronyn, Jessica Tandy, Frank McRae, Elizabeth Peña. Aliens help a feisty old New York couple in their battle against the ruthless land developer who’s out to evict them. A corny love story of two alien robots, who are summoned by the psionic cries for help from a building being threatened by an over eager corporate thug who’s employed a gang of actual thugs to harass the property owners to sell their beloved homes. It’s corny, campy, and everything amazing you could hope for in a retro future alien robot movie. Buy...
Chaos Walking: Directed by Doug Liman. With Tom Holland, Daisy Ridley, Demián Bichir, David Oyelowo. Two unlikely companions embark on a perilous adventure through the badlands of an unexplored planet as they try to escape a dangerous and disorienting reality where all thoughts are seen and heard by everyone. I threatened to buy this for my home collection, and this last week that’s what I did. I was super excited to get my wife to watch it, but she was only half interested in seeing it, so there was a lot of the “move explains a thing” then 20 minutes...
Ghostbusters: Afterlife: Directed by Jason Reitman. With Carrie Coon, Paul Rudd, Finn Wolfhard, Mckenna Grace. When a single mom and her two kids arrive in a small town, they begin to discover their connection to the original Ghostbusters and the secret legacy their grandfather left behind. I was ready for the nostalgia going on, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks when they delivered on everything I was hoping for. I am by no means a fanatic about the franchise, but the first two movies were great, the 2016 one was definitely a movie, and this one...
Xanadu: Directed by Robert Greenwald. With Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, Michael Beck, James Sloyan. A struggling artist living in Los Angeles meets a girl who may hold the key to his happiness. opening universal logo thing had an airplane, another airplane, a ufo Opens with an artist doing art while the beginning credits happen, he rips up his art and throws it out his window, and it hits a wall, bringing wall art to life, it’s our first song! I’m alife! ONJ is there to dance for us! Then they turn into color beams that fly around Hollywood, one of...
The House: Directed by Andrew Jay Cohen. With Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Jason Mantzoukas, Ryan Simpkins. After the town takes away their daughter’s college scholarship, a couple start an illegal casino in their friend’s house to make back the money. Released back in 2017 around the same time as “Daddy’s Home 2”, this has been on my watch list for a while. Every time I had an opportunity to watch it though, I kinda waffled about it. I do love Amy Poehler and I do love Will Ferrell, but they can be, at times, a bit much, and that seemed...
