This isn't for you. it's for me.
Blonde: Directed by Andrew Dominik. With Ana de Armas, Lily Fisher, Julianne Nicholson, Tygh Runyan. The story of American actress Marilyn Monroe, covering her love and professional lives. I love Ana de Armas and I loved Marilyn Monroe’s film work, but the two of them don’t work very well. Ana gives it her best, but this lurid tale of sex, death, and obsession is just too morbid for my tastes. Buy On Amazon!
Days of Wine and Roses: Directed by Blake Edwards. With Jack Lemmon, Lee Remick, Charles Bickford, Jack Klugman. An alcoholic marries a young woman and systematically addicts her to booze so that they can share his “passion” together. Released in 1962 this is another emotionally draining and realistic glimpse into the relationship between two people and the booze they mutually love and the struggles involved when only one of them sees a need to cut back or stop completely. There’s a few scenes that strike home in uncomfortable ways, the first of which was when the lead actor began slamming...
The Lost Weekend: Directed by Billy Wilder. With Ray Milland, Jane Wyman, Phillip Terry, Howard Da Silva. The desperate life of a chronic alcoholic is followed through a four-day drinking bout. Other than some period based phrases, this film could have been made yesterday and not in 1945 and there’s a surprising amount of content that I directly remember from my own experiences with booze. I never sunk to the level of self destruction this guy did, but when he’s out buying bourbon when he knows he shouldn’t and tells the store clerk “none of that barrel aged stuff for...
Inventing the Abbotts: Directed by Pat O’Connor. With Joaquin Phoenix, Billy Crudup, Will Patton, Kathy Baker. Two working class brothers court three wealthy and beautiful sisters in a small Illinois town. I had previously seen many of the key scenes due to the people participating in them but they were great to see again. I was pleased with how well done the story was, it’s been a fair bit of time since I’ve seen a solid coming of age story. I saw a glimmer of myself in the relationship between the two sons and even in the relationships among the...
Doom: Annihilation: Directed by Tony Giglio. With Amy Manson, Dominic Mafham, Luke Allen-Gale, James Weber Brown. A group of UAC Marines respond to a distress call from a top secret scientific base on Phobos, a moon around Mars, only to discover it’s been overrun by demons who seek to create Hell on Earth. I forgot that I had already seen this one and made it my choice from the ‘final’ selection of Universal rewards films and I fully regret that decision. It’s not a terrible film, but it’s not one that I was wanting to see again and there were...
Nurse: Directed by Douglas Aarniokoski. With Paz de la Huerta, Katrina Bowden, Judd Nelson, Corbin Bleu. By day, Abby Russell is a dedicated nurse, but by night, she lures cheating men to their brutal deaths and exposes them for who they really are. This is a much different movie than I had thought it was going to be and while I loved the more salacious content the story was middling and the acting was just straight up not what I was looking for in a movie. I’m not 100% sure, but i’m pretty sure that Paz de la Huerta was...
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga: Directed by George Miller. With Anya Taylor-Joy, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Burke, Alyla Browne. The origin story of renegade warrior Furiosa before her encounter and teamup with Mad Max. While this is a perfectly fine movie, I constantly had to ask myself why this movie needed to be made and why nearly everyone involved seemed to be winking at the camera asking “hey do you remember this person/place/thing from Fury Road?!? Here it is 20 years before you saw it in that movie! Isn’t that great?!”. There’s no major misteps, no majorly questionable decisions, but again...
We Own the Night: Directed by James Gray. With Joaquin Phoenix, Eva Mendes, Danny Hoch, Alex Veadov. A New York City nightclub manager tries to save his brother and father from Russian Mafia hitmen. I watched this due to some gratuitous scenes with Eva Mendes that were floating around the cybersphere and while those scenes were great they really had no bearing at all on the rest of the movie and in hindsight really stick out as being out of place in a grungy look at a family of cops that have a member that’s too friendly with the wrong...
Atlas: Directed by Brad Peyton. With Jennifer Lopez, Simu Liu, Sterling K. Brown, Gregory James Cohan. In a bleak-sounding future, an A.I. soldier has determined that the only way to end war is to end humanity. I spent nearly a decade as a data analyst and not even once was I ever offered a mech suit, but other than that curious part of the plot, this is a pretty solid mech suit movie with a barely there plot driven largely by using familiar concepts of terrorist robots that want to protect humanity from itself by killing all of humanity, much...
I Saw the TV Glow: Directed by Jane Schoenbrun. With Justice Smith, Brigette Lundy-Paine, Ian Foreman, Helena Howard. Two teenagers bond over their love of a supernatural TV show, but it is mysteriously cancelled. A confusing and frankly confused movie that feels like a rare misstep by the powerhouse A24, the story builds to a climax that never happens and it’s only in the third act that I realized that both the main characters were extremely unreliable narrators and that nothing that’s given in the plot can actually be trusted. What’s the story that they’re trying to tell here, is...
Mad Max: Fury Road: Directed by George Miller. With Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, Hugh Keays-Byrne. In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a woman rebels against a tyrannical ruler in search for her homeland with the aid of a group of female prisoners, a psychotic worshiper and a drifter named Max. Watched again because there’s a prequel coming out this weekend that tells Furiosa’s origins and wanted to refresh my memory of this utterly fantastic film. Buy On Amazon!
Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens: Directed by J.J. Abrams. With Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Adam Driver. As a new threat to the galaxy rises, Rey, a desert scavenger, and Finn, an ex-stormtrooper, must join Han Solo and Chewbacca to search for the one hope of restoring peace. I watched this again because I finally own it on 4k disk thanks to the Disney rewards program. My feelings on it have continued to soften in light of how poorly the following two films ended up being, and I’m constantly wondering what would have been the result...
Countdown: Directed by Justin Dec. With Elizabeth Lail, Jordan Calloway, Talitha Eliana Bateman, Peter Facinelli. When a nurse downloads an app that claims to predict the moment a person will die, it tells her she only has three days to live. With the clock ticking and a figure haunting her, she must find a way to save her life before time runs out. Other than some bad continuity with the shower curtain in one of the opening scenes, this is a pretty solid horror show that melds spiritual concepts with modern technology and our dependency on apps. Which are of...
Blue Jean: Directed by Georgia Oakley. With Rosy McEwen, Kerrie Hayes, Lucy Halliday, Lydia Page. In 1988, a closeted teacher is pushed to the brink when a new student threatens to expose her sexuality. A beautiful story of some unpretty things happening to a set of wonderful people. It’s the first movie from Georgia Oakley and judging from this one movie she’s going to have one hell of a career ahead of her. Buy On Amazon!
Alice, Darling: Directed by Mary Nighy. With Anna Kendrick, Kaniehtiio Horn, Charlie Carrick, Wunmi Mosaku. A young woman trapped in an abusive relationship becomes the unwitting participant in an intervention staged by her two closest friends. The movie didn’t really do it for me, but I think it has less to do with performances or anything to do with the final product but more to do with not knowing anyone like the Alice character that would allow themselves to either be treated like she is or internalize that treatment in such a self destructive way. It’s well acted and well...
Boulevard: Directed by Dito Montiel. With Robin Williams, Kathy Baker, Roberto Aguire, Giles Matthey. A devoted husband in a marriage of convenience is forced to confront his secret life. One of Robin’s last films and it’s one of his most emotionally charged and interesting films in a career of emotionally charged and interesting movies. I have a couple quibbles about extremely minor things, like how the husband makes the terrible choice to start to trust his new friend in ways that I wouldn’t trust my best friends, but considering the emotional situation he was in, it does make a twisted...
Bolero: Directed by John Derek. With Bo Derek, George Kennedy, Andrea Occhipinti, Ana Obregón. Set in the 1920s, a young woman sets out to lose her virginity. Her mission leads her to a Moroccan sheikh and a Spanish bullfighter. I watched a documentary (or two!) about the Cannon Group and this movie came up as something that should have worked well for them financially but didn’t end up doing as well as they had hoped. My interest was peaked because I’m familiar with Bo Derek’s work from this time period and knew that she was both a great actor and...
Mars Express: Directed by Jérémie Périn. With Léa Drucker, Mathieu Amalric, Daniel Njo Lobé, Marie Bouvet. Set in the 23rd century on Mars, the plot follows the investigation on a murder case carried out by the couple formed by private investigator Aline Ruby and her android companion Carlos Rivera. I didn’t see a single trailer for this movie in the wild and only caught it when I went to see a movie I wouldn’t have otherwise seen, but the theater had power and I had time. The first 90% of this movie is fantastic, with a lived in world that...
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes: Directed by Wes Ball. With Freya Allan, Kevin Durand, Dichen Lachman, William H. Macy. Many years after the reign of Caesar, a young ape goes on a journey that will lead him to question everything he’s been taught about the past and make choices that will define a future for apes and humans alike. Another great entry in the modern reimagining of the Planet of the Apes franchise, with plenty of new stuff to keep old fans interested, plenty of references and call backs to the original films, and absolutely no requirement whatsoever...
The Mummy: Directed by Stephen Sommers. With Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo. At an archaeological dig in the ancient city of Hamunaptra, an American serving in the French Foreign Legion accidentally awakens a mummy who begins to wreak havoc as he searches for the reincarnation of his long-lost love. I got to see this in theaters the first time it was released back in ’99, but i was happy to go see it in theaters again! I love everything about this movie, the two leads were among some of the most beautiful people to grace the screen...
Alien: Directed by Ridley Scott. With Tom Skerritt, Sigourney Weaver, Veronica Cartwright, Harry Dean Stanton. The crew of a commercial spacecraft encounters a deadly lifeform after investigating a mysterious transmission of unknown origin. My local AMC had this back in theater for the 45th anniversary and as I wasn’t even alive yet when it was originally in theaters I figured I’d give it a go and while I’ve seen the movie about 20 times, it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. I always forget how many times the dang cat almost get eaten or is used as bait by either the...
Boy Kills World: Directed by Moritz Mohr. With Bill Skarsgård, Jessica Rothe, Michelle Dockery, Brett Gelman. A fever dream action film that follows Boy, a deaf person with a vibrant imagination. When his family is murdered, he is trained by a mysterious shaman to repress his childish imagination and become an instrument of death. I’m a passing fan of Bill Skarsgard and a big fan of H. Jon Benjamin, so I thought this was going to be a sure thing, but sadly it didn’t turn out to be the knock out of the park that I had hoped for. The...
District 9: Directed by Neill Blomkamp. With Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope, David James, Vanessa Haywood. Violence ensues after an extraterrestrial race forced to live in slum-like conditions on Earth finds a kindred spirit in a government agent exposed to their biotechnology. I bought this as a three pack a few months ago, it came along with Chappie and Elysium. D9 is a great film that has a strong political message and I’ve been waiting for a sequel for more than the three or 5 years mentioned in the film, but I think the over waiting is part of the same...
The Crow: Wicked Prayer: Directed by Lance Mungia. With Yuji Okumoto, Marcus Chong, Tito Ortiz, Tara Reid. On his way to becoming an immortal demon, a gang leader orchestrates the murder of an ex-con and his girlfriend. No idea how the casting director managed this, but they got Tara Reid, David Boreanaz, Tito Ortiz, Danny Trejo, and Emmanuelle Chriqui all to appear in sizable roles in this direct to video final entry in the first run of “Crow” movies. This one is the most obviously low budget with minimal supernatural special effects and a whole lot of lingering static shots...
The Crow: Salvation: Directed by Bharat Nalluri. With Kirsten Dunst, William Atherton, Debbie Fan, Eric Mabius. Alex Corvis returns to the world of the living to solve the murder of a young woman that he was wrongly accused of. It’s always surprising to me that Kirsten Dunst is a scream queen, but she’s been doing horror since she was a wee lady. She does a great job here lifting the mediocre concept to a slightly higher level just by being present, but sadly she’s not able to save the movie from itself and the angst that it’s so hilariously full...
Black Mirror: Created by Charlie Brooker. With Wunmi Mosaku, Monica Dolan, Daniel Lapaine, Hannah John-Kamen. Featuring stand-alone dramas — sharp, suspenseful, satirical tales that explore techno-paranoia — “Black Mirror” is a contemporary reworking of “The Twilight Zone” with stories that tap into the collective unease about the modern world. This has been on my watch list for…months? years? Way too long considering how good the season ended up being. Buy On Amazon!
The Wrath of Becky: Directed by Matt Angel, Suzanne Coote. With Lulu Wilson, Seann William Scott, Denise Burse, Jill Larson. Two years after escaping a violent attack, a teenage girl must defend herself against a domestic terrorist cell. The second in a film series that I didn’t see the first one of, but this is the one that I’m able to watch on Hoopla (the first one is there, I just ran out of view credits for the month) and honestly this second one is the one that hit my radar. I’ll check out the first one next month when...
Abigail: Directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett. With Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Alisha Weir, William Catlett. After a group of criminals kidnap the ballerina daughter of a powerful underworld figure, they retreat to an isolated mansion, unaware that they’re locked inside with no normal little girl. If you’re a fan of Dan Stevens (like me!) you’re having a good time this year, as this is his second movie that’s currently in theaters that you can see him in, the other being the current Godzilla x Kong: New Empire. This is the superior of the two movies, with more Mr Stevens...
The Crow: City of Angels: Directed by Tim Pope. With Vincent Perez, Mia Kirshner, Richard Brooks, Iggy Pop. The spirit of the Crow resurrects another man seeking revenge for the murder of his son. I’m astounded that the first one did well enough that a sequel was green lit, but I guess at this point they threw a few big names at the screen to see if they’d work, like Thomas Pane, Iggy Pop and Mia Kirshner. They’re using the same mid 90s miniatures and green screens, the same grungy soundtrack, locations, and people, and the story is just a...
Causeway: Directed by Lila Neugebauer. With Jennifer Lawrence, Danny Wolohan, Jayne Houdyshell, Neal Huff. A US soldier suffers a traumatic brain injury while fighting in Afghanistan and struggles to adjust to life back home. Fantastic acting by both Jennifer Lawrence and Brian Tyree Henry and a fantastic script that they both bring their A-game to. There’s a few car scenes that are obviously fake and they distract from an otherwise great movie that takes a long hard look at decisions that are made to get away from pain. Buy On Amazon!
Below Her Mouth: Directed by April Mullen. With Erika Linder, Natalie Krill, Sebastian Pigott, Mayko Nguyen. An unexpected affair quickly escalates into a heart-stopping reality for two women whose passionate connection changes their lives forever. There’s parts of this that might as well be considered pornography, but the framing story around the more lurid moments allow me to entertain the notion that I’m not just perving over ladies doing sexy things to each other and am instead consuming ‘art’. It’s a great film and reminds me greatly of “Blue Is the Warmest Colour” is is likely going to end up...
Villains Incorporated: Directed by Jeremy Warner. With Mallory Everton, Colin Mochrie, Jason Gray, Billy Mann. After the death of their boss, Beatrix, Cain and Harold are left destitute living in an abandoned grocery store. Beatrix is determined that they will fight on their own and take over the world by any means necessary. I didn’t really know anything about this film other than Colin Mochrie was in it and the name sounded cool, and boy it was a heck of a ride. I’ve been reading a ton of superhero books in the last few years and this feels like an...
Chariot: Directed by Adam Sigal. With Thomas Mann, Rosa Salazar, Scout Taylor-Compton, Shane West. A story about a corporation and a doctor (John Malkovich) that oversees the process of reincarnation, and a young man (Thomas Mann) who becomes a glitch in the system when he encounters a woman (Rosa Salazar) he loved in a previous life. I thought this was a completely different film when I started streaming it, realized my error about 2 minutes in but decided to let it ride and boy what a ride it was. Going in blind really helped keep me on my toes and...
The Sleepover: Directed by Trish Sie. With Sadie Stanley, Maxwell Simkins, Cree, Lucas Jaye. When two siblings discover their seemingly normal mom is a former thief in witness protection who has been forced to pull one last job, they team up to rescue her over the course of an action-packed night. A family friendly caper film that wears it’s heart on it’s sleeve, it was a fun and enjoyable romp with a family coming to terms with the lies that their mother told them in order to protect them from the bad guys. Also, Maxwell Simkins is going to go...
Fear the Night: Directed by Neil LaBute. With Maggie Q, Ito Aghayere, Philip Burke, James Carpinello. Follows Iraqi war veteran Tess, as she prepares to strike back after a group of home invaders attack during her sister’s bachelorette party, and she discovers that they are hellbent on not leaving any witnesses behind. It’s a familiar story, friends go off on a camping / vacation trip, locals decide to mess with them, and it turns out that one of the friends has the willpower and knowhow to fight back and maybe even survive. Just because this is a familiar story though...
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare: Directed by Guy Ritchie. With Henry Cavill, Alan Ritchson, Alex Pettyfer, Eiza González. The British military recruits a small group of highly skilled soldiers to strike against German forces behind enemy lines during World War II. I generally find Guy Ritchie’s films to be entertaining but slightly underwhelming, and while there’s moments that this movie edges up to being a parody of itself, it never goes over the line and ended up being a pretty good story with captivating action and acting. It’s good to see Alan Richardson joining stars like Henry Cavill, Eiza Gonzalez,...
G.I. Joe: The Movie: Directed by Don Jurwich. With Charlie Adler, Shuko Akune, Jack Angel, Michael Bell. The heroic G.I. Joe action force must oppose the ruthless Cobra organization that has secretly allied with a subterranean reptilian people who were their founders. Found this whole movie on youtube and I could only vaguely remember the broad strokes of the story but I remember the theme song being great and the action being superb. Turns out that my 20 year old memory wasn’t exactly right, while the song is pretty great, the rest of the movie is standard US animated quality...
The Crow: Directed by Alex Proyas. With Brandon Lee, Rochelle Davis, Ernie Hudson, Michael Wincott. A man brutally murdered comes back to life as an undead avenger of his and his fiancée’s murder. With an upcoming remake / reboot / sequel / prequel about to be released in just a few short weeks, I realized that i never really gave this franchise a proper watch, so here we are with 1994’s adaption of the comic series by the same name. I’ve not read any of the comics, but judging from just the movie, it seems to be a typical indie...
Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver: Directed by Zack Snyder. With Sofia Boutella, Anthony Hopkins, Ed Skrein, Jena Malone. Kora and surviving warriors prepare to defend Veldt, their new home, alongside its people against the Realm. The warriors face their pasts, revealing their motivations before the Realm’s forces arrive to crush the growing rebellion. More Zack Snyder goodness, with sexy people shooting and killing each other in slow motion nonsense set to an absolute banger of a soundtrack. I’ve read that there’s supposed to be R rated versions of these movies that are going to come out sooner or...
Cherry: Directed by Anthony Russo, Joe Russo. With Tom Holland, Ciara Bravo, Jack Reynor, Michael Rispoli. Cherry drifts from college dropout to army medic in Iraq – anchored only by his true love, Emily. But after returning from the war with PTSD, his life spirals into drugs and crime as he struggles to find his place in the world. IIRC, the reviews for this one weren’t all that forgiving, but I found “Cherry” to be a enthralling look into how someone goes from a normal city boy to something much worse, all because of one decision made in heat of...
Candy Land: Directed by John Swab. With Olivia Luccardi, Sam Quartin, Eden Brolin, Owen Campbell. A seemingly naive and devout young woman navigates her way into the underground world of truck stop sex workers a.k.a. “lot lizards.” There’s a couple different versions of the movie synopsis and all of them are pretty good at giving you the basic idea of what’s going to go on, but never lets on what the full experience is going to give you. I honestly had no idea how the movie was going to end when I got to the point where there was only...
Civil War: Directed by Alex Garland. With Nick Offerman, Kirsten Dunst, Wagner Moura, Jefferson White. A journey across a dystopian future America, following a team of military-embedded journalists as they race against time to reach DC before rebel factions descend upon the White House. The director of this film has done a few movies that are series thinking exercises, 28 Day later, Ex-Machina, Annihilation being among them, so when I heard he was doing a study on a possible future during the tail end of our next American Civil War AND it was being released through A24 I knew that...
Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour: Directed by Sam Wrench. With Taylor Swift, Mike Meadows, Max Bernstein, Paul Sidoti. Experience the Eras Tour concert, performed by the one and only Taylor Swift. If you like Taylor Swift, I’m sure that you’ve seen this by now, either in person or at the theaters, but if you just passively enjoy her stuff, this would be a great way to spend a few hours if just for the pageantry and experience. Buy On Amazon!
Corner Office: Directed by Joachim Back. With Jon Hamm, Danny Pudi, Sarah Gadon, Christopher Heyerdahl. As Orson, The Authority’s newest employee, finds himself trapped in the absurdities of corporate life, his alienation deepens when he discovers a room he’s told doesn’t exist. A surreal absurdist look into the insanity and monotony of office life and the lengths that some people either willingly or unwittingly sink to trying to find meaning and fulfillment. It’s a great movie that had me guessing right up until the end as to the veracity of our narrator and if his version of reality was one...
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey: Directed by Rhys Frake-Waterfield. With Nikolai Leon, Maria Taylor, Natasha Rose Mills, Amber Doig-Thorne. After Christopher Robin abandons them for college, Pooh and Piglet embark on a bloody rampage as they search for a new source of food. As far as public domain horror parodies go, this one isn’t too bad, my only complaint is that the creatures of the 100 Acre Wood are obviously just people in some pretty terrible masks, gloves, and body suits. The actual premise works for me on multiple levels, but I honestly would have taken that premise in a different...
The Terminal Man: Directed by Mike Hodges. With George Segal, Joan Hackett, Richard Dysart, Donald Moffat. Hoping to cure his violent seizures, a man agrees to a series of experimental microcomputers inserted into his brain but inadvertently discovers that violence now triggers a pleasurable response to his brain. The concept here is a great one but the implementation is more “talk about the cool stuff” instead of letting the cool stuff happen on screen. I actually had to time one of the scenes, when they’re implanting a chip into the guy’s head because I thought it had looped somehow, but...
Voodoo Passion: Directed by Jesús Franco. With Vicky Adams, Ada Tauler, Karine Gambier, Jack Taylor. Susan comes to Haiti to be with her husband. His naked sister asks her, if she’s ever made love to a woman. Susan dreams vividly of nudity, Voodoo rituals and killing. Otherwide known as “Call of the Blonde Goddess”, I was sucked in by this fantastic poster and the movie itself ended up being about what i thought it was going to be, with barely any clothing and a fair bit of weird white curiosity of a black religion with all the accouchements that comes...
Something the Lord Made: Directed by Joseph Sargent. With Cliff McMullen, Yasiin Bey, Luray Cooper, Alan Rickman. A dramatization of the relationship between heart surgery pioneers Alfred Blalock and Vivien Thomas. Another entry in the “I saw a scene on TikTok that looked interesting, so I watched the whole movie” and it turns out that Alan Rickman and Mos Def were both great actors at the time this movie was made, it was well written, and didn’t present the men as unstoppable saviors of humanity, but instead as fallible people that had their ups and downs. Buy On Amazon!
Archive: Directed by Gavin Rothery. With Theo James, Stacy Martin, Rhona Mitra, Peter Ferdinando. 2038: George Almore is working on a true human-equivalent AI. His latest prototype is almost ready. This sensitive phase is also the riskiest. Especially as he has a goal that must be hidden at all costs. Feels low budget, but is much more clever than I initially thought with some well laid out foreshadowing that I noticed, but was bamboozeled into thinking was referring to something else. Also, the robots are all absolutely adorable and I wish I had one in my life. Sorta, they do...
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire: Directed by Adam Wingard. With Rebecca Hall, Brian Tyree Henry, Dan Stevens, Kaylee Hottle. Two ancient titans, Godzilla and Kong, clash in an epic battle as humans unravel their intertwined origins and connection to Skull Island’s mysteries. A perfectly fine sequel to the previous “Godzilla Vs Kong”, this time it’s “Godzilla x Kong” which I just learned a few minutes ago is supposed to be pronounced “Godzilla Kong”, which of course is nonsense. Don’t put the letter in there if you don’t it spoken, right? Kong gets the king portion of screen time in...
