Author: tiki god

Ambulance: Directed by Michael Bay. With Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Eiza González, Garret Dillahunt. Two robbers steal an ambulance after their heist goes awry. This is about as refined of a movie you’re ever going to get from Michael Bay, it’s obvious that he’s been refining his drone work, and his pairing with Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen, and IIEiza González are nearly a match made in heaven, as they’re apparently able to take his direction without turning it into pure camp. There’s a specific demographic that Bay aims for, I’m somewhat in it, but I feel he’s really done...

Popeye: Directed by Robert Altman. With Robin Williams, Shelley Duvall, Ray Walston, Paul Dooley. The adventures of the famous sailor man and his friends in the seaside town of Sweethaven. I understand that you don’t always get to pick your first role as an actor, and you definitely don’t get to have editing calls, but this film is a complete a waste of time, potential, and possibility. This is the type of thing that people can point to and say “this is the movie that set back comic book adaptations by 40 years”. The casting is nearly perfect in every...

Songbird: Directed by Adam Mason. With K.J. Apa, Sofia Carson, Craig Robinson, Bradley Whitford. In 2024 a pandemic ravages the world and its cities. Centering on a handful of people as they navigate the obstacles currently hindering society: disease, martial law, quarantine, and vigilantes. Per wikipedia, the film was conceived of, written, produced, filmed, and released all within a few months of the global covid-19 pandemic breaking national borders and infecting hundreds of millions and killing millions of those that were unable to fight off the infection. The movie feels as crass as you would expect, with a barebones story...

White Hot: The Rise & Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch: Directed by Alison Klayman. With Benjamin O’Keefe, Bobby Blanski, Ryan Daharsh, Sapna Maheshwari. Abercrombie and Fitch conquered malls in the late ’90s and early ’00s with gorgeous models, pulsing dance beats and a fierce scent. But their “all-American” image shattered as exclusionary marketing and hiring practices came to light. A&F was at best on the very edge of my awareness when it was at it’s height of popularity and I never heard about any of the issues they ended up being accused of. I’m honestly not sure why I clicked...

The Lost City: Directed by Aaron Nee, Adam Nee. With Sandra Bullock, Channing Tatum, Daniel Radcliffe, Da’Vine Joy Randolph. A reclusive romance novelist on a book tour with her cover model gets swept up in a kidnapping attempt that lands them both in a cutthroat jungle adventure. This definitely feels like it was made for direct to streaming audiences, so I was definitely surprised when it was only in theaters for a (short?) time period. It finally came to Paramount Plus, so I got to watch it on my free month’s worth of the service. This isn’t the first time...

Last Woman on Earth: Directed by Roger Corman. With Betsy Jones-Moreland, Antony Carbone, Robert Towne. Ev, her husband Harold, and their friend Martin go scuba diving while on vacation in Puerto Rico. When they surface, they find that everyone on the island has died. No clue how I missed this in my period where I was watching every post-apocalyptic film I could get my hands on, but here it is, one of the first versions of the story that I’ve run into. Released in 1960, it’s a full 25 years before “The Quiet Earth” which has the same conceit of...